Dear human,

I have been your faithful companion for almost two years.  I have pointed out the presence of a mouse and maintained vigilance at the back window where thieving birds eat your wares from the porch.  Just for the record, note that some invisible force field has kept me from protecting those wares from the winged thieves.  I have tried several times to fulfill my task and was inhibited.  I hope you recognize what a valuable member of this team I am.  That said, I am unable to understand the behaviors of you and your companion this weekend.  While I was performing my daily tasks, quite well I might add, you bring in a four pawed intruder.  This species has no rightful place under any roof where I sleep.  I even provided you with a wall plaque, “I have done the math…we can’t afford the dog,” and yet you didn’t take the clear instruction.  The cage in which you brought him was a cute touch, but wholly inadequate in this situation.  I voice my concerns and due to some negative feedback, was forced to keep some of my opinions to myself, but when the cage containment failed, I just couldn’t be silent any more.  You must realize the position in which I find myself.  Please eradicate this problem immediately so we may return to the bliss of the last two years.  And as for your wonder of what we were saying to each other, just know it wouldn’t look good in print.

Sincerely,

Jake

Here is a picture of the invader:

Batman

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